Today, Tonight, Tomorrow

Today would be a great day

to forget his face

to forget his smile

and to forget his existence

Tonight would be an amazing night

while I’m in another’s arms

while I’m filled with hope

while I’m writhing in pain

Tomorrow would be a great time

for him to forgive me

for him to think of me

for him to let me be

Last night would have been perfect

if he didn’t look at me

if he didn’t notice me

if he didn’t worry

Last year would have been unforgettable

if I never looked his way

if I never paid attention

if I never let my heart wander

Next year will be amazing

if I stop hurting

if I stop feeling

if I stop hoping

But tonight, I just want to lie in the arms of another

Share the night with my thoughts

Pretend that we are together

Knowing that this is all that I’ve got

Pretend that there was no door

Imagine that there is nothing stopping me

To unleash this pent up feeling

To let the rage take over me

To revel in the redemption of that face

Knowing the secret hiding in his eyes

Preparing to spread my wings

Freeing myself from the cocoon of his arms

Indulging in the spirit of his energy

Like a drug that I didn’t know I was addicted to

While his hands and arms wrap around me

Massaging my mind into euphoria

Whispering nothing louder than silence

Allowing myself to slip away

Forgetting that he’s not him

Touching him softly

Wondering

Caressing him with my mind and body

Thinking of how best to create

He fades out of my mind and your image takes form

And as you lay there, not a word from your mouth

All I can think of, how sweet this melody will be

These moments I taste your energy and spirit inside of me

I can feel it even now

as I type these words

the connection that we have

was so haphazardly formed

I suffer

I writhe

I yearn

I cry

Nothing but your final touch will ever satisfy

As I lay my hands on you

Massaging the kinks out of your neck

My teeth ready for a bite

Skin so close for a lick

My body wants nothing more than to join with yours

My soul reaches out just to try to get a taste

But alas, it is not you

And returns un satiated

And all these words that I write

Can never compare to the sound

Of the energy going through my body

And how it will feel once the two have finally bound

One hand on my face

The other in my hair

But I’ll stay here

In the arms of another

Pretending

Siphoning what I can

Remembering who I am

Reminding him of me

Not thinking of what could be

Settling

Because a year and a day ago was the perfectly wrong time

To meet him

To know him

To fall in love

Tomorrow will be a great reminder of

 

Love.

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Something

I’m on a self destructive path

Fire in my aftermath

The devil wish he could save my soul

Blowing in the wind

Time twisting around the bend

Burning deep down

Filling the holes

Wildwood burning

Smells so great

Sealing this doom

That is my fate

The fire heading out of control

The wounds too ready

Blisters are forming

This fire had its warning

The water looks so clear

But it’s not for me

I fear

Is burning through and through

This self destructive path

Leaves traces of my mind

Without dousing the pain

Arising the new day

Like a Phoenix on the rise

The fire flames

Arise and Arise

The burning is deep in my soul

Untitled darkness

Day to day

I wake up

And look around

Rub my eyes

But you’re not

To be found

Just a thought

Or maybe a dream

But this thought

Can’t be unseen

Here or there

Missing a beat

Faintly I can hear

Stomping feat

Are you real

Or just a fake

Your presence makes

A dark mistake

If I told you

image

If I told you
How I loved you
Would you find
A million ways to
Break my heart

Blind is the beholder
In the eye of judgement
And daggers flow
Down the tear ducts
Of my brain

The pain exists on
Felt through galactic
Intrinsically
Exploding through the
Ravine

If I told you
How I fell in love with you
Would you find a
Million ways to kill
My heart

Circular thoughts

I sent a thought out into the circle and swore I heard you respond

I sent this thought for your energy to find its way to happiness

I sent a thought out into the circle hoping to hear your sound

A rush of calm and love came flooding in, light and fulfilling and I sent it out back to you…

I sent my love for you into the circle and my pain has eased

I sent my heart’s energy into the circle and hope that it’s reached you.

Just a dream

He did his thing,  and I watched on the sidelines.

At the end of the night,  we waited in the car,  his friend and mine.   An SUV that I’ve never been in before. As we waited,  a huge pillar of a building topples over. As I see this happening,  I want to flee. But his friend says no,  we will be fine here and my friends agrees.

I worry about his safety.

His friend starts to call him,  I start worrying when he does not answer. I start to call,  he answers and is alright. He’ll see me soon and we disconnect.

I insist that we check for the injured. All is fine except two children were hit by debris from the building but are ok.

We go to the next building and wait. I worry until he approaches and kisses me.   I’m safe in his love and his embrace.

As I wake from this dream,  I realize that I have been feeling loved for months now. I feel so full and it’s a feeling I do not recall feeling before.

I don’t need him but I do want to keep him. I find no flaws yet I know they are there,  hidden deep.  I see no pain,  but I know it’s there, for me to love and heal. I find nothing but a love that fills me within. I can only hope that I do the same for him.