It occurs to me that people change. Well, not just people, time and well, everything changes. Whether it is because we change our view on things or because they physically change, things do change. For instance, when we were children, a rock was an interesting object on the floor. We picked it up, played with it, imagined it as our friend and pretended it could take us places. Some of us even tried to taste it. By experimentation, observation and questioning, we found that rock can be painful, smooth, bumpy, different colors and can be used for different reasons. Our parents’ definition of the rock forms our basic beliefs of what the rock is and at school, we learn that that rock was formed by the earth. We end up loving that little rock as children, grow up forgetting about the rock and then as adults, we fight to save the rock.
Like I said, things change.
However things change, it is at its core, the most important part of life that we have to pay attention to and analyze so that we walk away with the lesson that we are supposed to learn. Unconsciously, we understand each lesson during the process of learning. We seem to fight it, but we know it. We subconsciously prepare for it from the moment we start experiencing it. There are people who fight it, tooth and nail. There are those who fight and then eventually realize it’s time to let go (me). Then there are those who seem to not care because they are lost or floating through life blaming everyone else for their own mistakes.
So, why are we so hurt by some change that it can take years to recover from? Why is it so much easier for some people to walk away, changing the course of a path without taking into consideration what the consequences for another person may be? How can someone do something that is so outrageous in your mind but have no remorse to the people they hurt?
For me, I can only answer by saying each individual has essential foundation in which life provides the building blocks for. These are moral foundations and beliefs that will be reinforced and built upon throughout each person’s life. For instance, I was baptized a Catholic. However, throughout my parents separating from each other (not their marriage) and several things that I was told through life, I started to sway from the Catholic church. I then become educated, took up religious studies and started forming my own belief system in which I use as a moral code for life. Others may not have even had a foundation to even build upon. How can my ex have a child with me (lying about a vasectomy) after having 3 children with someone else, another child with someone else and another child with someone else? After being married 2 times and now trying to move on to a 3rd marriage, if no one else thinks this guy’s moral foundation is screwed, I don’t know what else to say? Honestly, I can’t believe that he feels very good about himself and I don’t think he has for a very long time. However, I don’t know what went wrong with him. I don’t think his sister and brother live by the same morals as he does. All I can say right now is, there is something seriously missing from this man’s life and he is this weird form of a leech.
However, does he not have any remorse for tricking me into a pregnancy? For cheating on a wife or 2? For not taking care of all of his children? For hiding his money so no one will get child support? Does he have a moral compass? Which direction does it point? Maybe its pointing south all the time?
Does a man/boy, who has child/children with a woman while he is dating another woman have remorse? Did he not care what he was doing at the time, to both woman? When he then married the one who doesn’t have his child/children, did he have remorse? Did he feel guilty? Does he feel anything? Does he even care about his child/children? When he causes drama between both females, is that for his benefit only or what is the purpose? It’s like a divide and conquer type tactic, right?
I don’t have the answers. My moral compass doesn’t always point due north all the time, but it sure they heck ain’t always pointing south. I don’t have the answers, I can’t learn this lesson because it is not mine to bear. But what I can do is try to figure out my reaction to all their actions and move forward. I hope you can too.