Today, Tonight, Tomorrow

Today would be a great day

to forget his face

to forget his smile

and to forget his existence

Tonight would be an amazing night

while I’m in another’s arms

while I’m filled with hope

while I’m writhing in pain

Tomorrow would be a great time

for him to forgive me

for him to think of me

for him to let me be

Last night would have been perfect

if he didn’t look at me

if he didn’t notice me

if he didn’t worry

Last year would have been unforgettable

if I never looked his way

if I never paid attention

if I never let my heart wander

Next year will be amazing

if I stop hurting

if I stop feeling

if I stop hoping

But tonight, I just want to lie in the arms of another

Share the night with my thoughts

Pretend that we are together

Knowing that this is all that I’ve got

Pretend that there was no door

Imagine that there is nothing stopping me

To unleash this pent up feeling

To let the rage take over me

To revel in the redemption of that face

Knowing the secret hiding in his eyes

Preparing to spread my wings

Freeing myself from the cocoon of his arms

Indulging in the spirit of his energy

Like a drug that I didn’t know I was addicted to

While his hands and arms wrap around me

Massaging my mind into euphoria

Whispering nothing louder than silence

Allowing myself to slip away

Forgetting that he’s not him

Touching him softly

Wondering

Caressing him with my mind and body

Thinking of how best to create

He fades out of my mind and your image takes form

And as you lay there, not a word from your mouth

All I can think of, how sweet this melody will be

These moments I taste your energy and spirit inside of me

I can feel it even now

as I type these words

the connection that we have

was so haphazardly formed

I suffer

I writhe

I yearn

I cry

Nothing but your final touch will ever satisfy

As I lay my hands on you

Massaging the kinks out of your neck

My teeth ready for a bite

Skin so close for a lick

My body wants nothing more than to join with yours

My soul reaches out just to try to get a taste

But alas, it is not you

And returns un satiated

And all these words that I write

Can never compare to the sound

Of the energy going through my body

And how it will feel once the two have finally bound

One hand on my face

The other in my hair

But I’ll stay here

In the arms of another

Pretending

Siphoning what I can

Remembering who I am

Reminding him of me

Not thinking of what could be

Settling

Because a year and a day ago was the perfectly wrong time

To meet him

To know him

To fall in love

Tomorrow will be a great reminder of

 

Love.

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Midnight ramblings of Insomnia

When you’ve written it down on paper but are silenced at the very thought. The moment you open your lips to speak the words and realize how wound up this insomnia got. The hour where all the dark collides with the wakening of your dreams and daylight has you thoroughly busting at the seams. The minute you show it to the stranger but fail to hide yourself in its anger. The second your secrets are hidden until that someone else starts reading.

I’ve once again realized that my book has been left unguarded and it’s been thrown into the fire’s flame to punish me cold-hearted.  Unperturbed are the memories that rest upon each page but unread are the feelings that now go up in flames. Smell the fire feel the smoke as the book lies silently burning. Because the moment it’s been written down was almost certainly it’s undoing.

Goodbye book, Goodbye pages, Goodbye memories of the night.

Goodbye peace, Goodbye dreams, hello insomnia of the night.

(Written at 1 am this morning as I lay on the couchbed wishing for sleep but daydreaming of a life unrealized.)

Lost in the Feeling

He says I’m a romantic

As I stare into his blue eyes

He says I’m a romantic

As his girlfriend sleeps alone

He says I’m fucking him good

As he worries about his girl at home


There’s no reason to tell lies

The words you say right now hurt no one

Look deep into my eyes

Getting lost in this empty feeling until Dawn


He wants to play games

As I lay thinking of another guy

He says I’m scared to name names

Unnamed man in my sky


There’s no reason to tell lies

My heart belongs with no one

Look deeper into my eyes

Let me enjoy this empty feeling until Dawn


He can hit each soft sport

As I beg for him to not stop

He can question my hearts thought

As I…

Imagine the unnamed man in his blue eyes, smiling back at me and enjoying each moment of emptiness with me.

Imagine how he would feel and what we would do when it was down to just us two.

But for now…


He says I’m a romantic

As I stare into his blue eyes

He says I’m scared

As I rest in his arms, compromised.

Untitled

I’m shaking.

The fear is setting in.

I don’t want to let you go.

But I think I need to push you away.

I feel you inside my heart and soul.

I feel I might have to let go.

How long can I wait?

I’m silent.

I’m aching.

I’m saying goodbye.

It begins my heartbreaking.

My eyes are burning with fear of you.

My fear resides in the thought of losing you.

Let me hold you close inside without losing control.

I can only do so much and take so much of this.

My emotions are overrun by the thoughts.

My heart is overrun by the memory.

No touch could help me now.

I’m loving.

Clarification: I just want.

(Just some thoughts flowing through my mind and like usual, past conversations interrupt and make theirselves present.)

I don’t want to have sex with you.

I want to wake up in the morning with the ability to stare at your perfection

I want to sit next to you and nestle into your arm for warmth and protection

I want to keep feeling, over and over again, that strong connection

I want to massage your arms and chest into a blissful erection

Medicating you with a completely euphoric projection

Two spirits meditating onto the perfect complexion

Vibrating to the tune of our own affection

These are not things I need to do

because truth be told,

I don’t need you.

I just want you.

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Art Credit: Glee-Chan

Girls like me don’t get that lucky

I was introduced to him.  After he walked away, I said, wow, he’s gorgeous.  My friend agreed.  But there was something about the way he looked at me…

Nope.  Impossible.

Next conversation.  He talked, I listened.  I remember thinking, stop looking.  He’s too wonderful.  Look at the stars I said and thought is he really saying these things and the way he looks at me…

Nope.  Impossible.

What do I know?  Nothing.  He speaks the language of intelligence far beyond my comprehension.  He creates a world of his own slightly out of my reach.  One that I might dare touch and try to always keep his eyes looking at me…

Nope.  Impossible.

Guys like him, they get the perfect world.  Girls like me don’t get that lucky.  But I remember, the way he looked at me.

Volunteering for good

Hello!

I know I’ve been away for a couple of weeks, but it’s only because I got super busy with my kids, school and now volunteering as Social Media Promoter for The 2nd Annual Ellen Art Show.  The position is super interesting because I have to figure out all the way to use social media promotions, another just came to mind as I was typing.

What is this show about?

Basically, 50+ artists from the United States have all created art depicting Ellen DeGeneres.  This art will be auctioned off and proceeds will help benefit The Trevor Project.

What is The Trevor Project?

The Trevor Project is the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) youth.

-www.thetrevorproject.org

At this moment, I ask all my readers and visitors to visit http://www.EllenArtShow.org and click like on the facebook page located at http://www.facebook.com/EllenArtShow to help me spread the word.

Thanks!