Life is short and el tiempo es oro – La carta de Alfonso

Le ruego, no dejes que eso te pasa a ti. No deje que sus seres queridos se van sin ser capaz de decirles lo que sientes.

La vida es corta y el tiempo es oro.


So, a little background.  I’m Mexican-American and I don’t speak a lick of Spanish.  I probably speak more French than I do Spanish.  The following post has been translated into Spanish, I hope.  We all have to come to a point in life where we have these feelings and thoughts about our loved ones that just can’t be expressed.  I hope to express them, as accurately as possible, for the words to be heard over time, space and all boundaries.  Hang in there with me and let me know what you think.

Mi padre amoroso

Te veo.

Te escucho.

Necesito que sepas lo mucho que te amo.

No puedo renunciar a ti, no hoy, ni nunca.

Usted nunca ha renunciado a mi.

Si, los tiempos no siempre fueron faciles.

No siempres tenemos todo lo que queriamos.

Pero tu me ensenaste a ser yo.

Tu eres mi inspriacion y mi modelo de como ser un papa.

No todo el mundo es tan afortunado como yo.

Algunas personas nunca tienen padres o nunca llegan a ver ellos.

Algunos tienen padres que mueren y los extrano tanto, es dificil para ellos recordar por que.

Pero te tengo a ti.

Tengo la suerte de tener este tiempo para decirte que Te amo.

Yo nunca voy a dar para arriba en usted.

Yo nunca te dejare marchar.

Como usted pone alli, escuchame.

Listado de lo que digo.

Lleve con usted, dondequiera que este, todo el amor que tengo.

Siente el amor que tengo y quedarse conmigo hasta que es hora de separarnos.

Pero siempre se, nada volvera realidad separarnos porque yo estoy hecho de la mejor parte de ti.

Esa parte es su corazon.

Queridisima Alfonso,

Lo se.  Es muy dficil dejar de lado las personas que amamos.  No te rindas! Sabemos, sin embargo, que el dia llegara.  Diga adios sabiendo que has dicho todo lo que necesitabas para que nuestros seres queridos sepan que los amamos.  Cuando mi padre murio, yo estaba en el trabajo y me vine a casa y habia un millon de personas alli.  No tuve que decir adios.  Cuando mi madre se estaba muriendo, mi hermana nunca salio de su lado y no a mi ya mis hijos deje de decir adios.

Le ruego, no dejes que eso te pasa a ti.  No deje que sus seres queridos se van sin ser capaz de decirles lo que sientes.

La vida es corta y el tiempo es oro.

Con los mejores deseos y abrazos,


P.S. Mom & Dad – I miss you.

Ebony Magazine stole from me!

Ebony Magazine stole from me and won't pay me for what they stole. Help!


my name is Amanda. In 2012, I was hired to help someone shoot a promotional video of themselves. Being nice, I also provided the client with photos from the shoot that were watermark with my DBA information so that they were not stolen or published without my knowledge. In May of that year, that is exactly what happened. Ebony magazine edited the photos, published them in their June 2012 issue and ran a story featuring my photos. I didn’t receive credit as the photographer, I wasn’t contacted by them, nothing legal happened, from their end. I contacted them about this issue July 2012. I have sent them several invoices and have been bounced around, by email, since then.

I was promised a resolution by Brandy M. from Johnson Publishing (the owning entity), who no longer works there. I was promised resolution from Lena M., Felicia C., Nicole D. and Dudley B. (head photographer) from Johnson Publishing.

One time, I was sent a check directly to my DBA (which is clearly written to not send a check to the DBA on the invoice) that I was unable to cash because I do not have a bank account under that name. I was told another check would be reissued to resolve the matter.

Another time, I was promised by Dudley B., via a telephone conversation, that if I didn’t get resolution by February 27th, 2014 that I would get the amount I assigned in my second invoice to them, in full. On February 21st , I received an email from Nicole D. that had an agreement that was not what was agreed to with Dudley B.. I contacted her on February 24th and have yet to hear back from anyone in the company since.

The reason I’m telling you is simple. I’m a single mother of 3, living on someone’s couch as an alternative to being homeless, while my children live with my sister. This company could have helped prevent me from being homeless by paying what is owed to me. I have no money for a lawyer and have no money for court costs. I have been lied to and stolen from and the remedy is for them to ignore me and hope that I go away. I won’t go away. Ebony magazine stole from me.

I’m asking you to share my story and let people know that Johnson Publishing are rip off artists.
If you have had the same situation with Ebony Magazine/Johnson Publishing without resolution, let’s get together and form a lawsuit. If there are enough of us, I’m sure a lawyer would finally take them on for us. Please share this story.  I would appreciate it deeply.

Thank you.

Images below are the ones being referenced.



Stills-10 Stills-9


I quit! and stuff.

It’s challenging.  I mean really, it is.

I Quit!

I quit smoking, for the second time in my life, 4 days ago on May 10th, Gino’s Birthday!  My stats say that I have saved myself 21 cigarettes, $6.30 and that my CO and O2 levels are back to normal.  My app also states that I have regained all my taste and smell and lowered my risk for sudden death.  What does this all mean?  Nothing, really.  Not to me.  I quit because I was tired of smoking.  I did it because when times got tough, there was no food in the house and no money for food, so I used it as a hunger depressant in which I’ve also used it as a relief from any other addictions.  Now, I have a place to live, I have food on the table and I’m fairly ok with making ends meet, so I don’t need it anymore.

Or do I?

On May 9th, I had an interview for a full time job, because this part time job isn’t paying the bills and I’m not getting gigs as often as I’d like, so full time it is.  I want my kids back!  It was a rough day and the last day I smoked cigarettes.  (I don’t think I got this job, btw.  Which fits perfectly for my life.  🙂 )

But you know what?

I’m agitated.  I feel angry inside.  I want to do something, but I don’t know what it is.  And I keep craving soda?  Ugh!

I quit!

I need meditation in my life and possibly yoga.  I need a good instructor, one that will bring the peace out of me or help me bring it out of myself.  The last instructor I tried had a weird vibe and it didn’t work out well.

Who’s up for driving?!




2014-05-01 08.59.53A list of Don’ts.

Growing up, my mother gave me Don’ts.  Never Do’s.  So, some of those don’ts are, as I now know, fucking stupid!

1. Don’t go to college.

2. Don’t have friends.

3. Don’t ever get married.

Who in the hell tells their daughter this bullshit?!  I mean, what the fuck kind of messed up thinking gets you to a point where you pass this kind of guidance down to your child?  Yes, guidance mom and dad.  This is what you were supposed to pass down to me, not just your son, the praised one.  And I get it.  If my brother ever reads this, he’ll just roll his eyes and be like whatever, because he’s heard it all before.  But as I sit back, and think about it.  He’s done so much better than I have because of it.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, me and my brother get along fine, always have.  But he was definitely the favored.  He was encouraged to have friends, they could spend the night and he could go out anywhere.  I was encouraged to not have friends but was never guided on how to make my way through life.  That’s something I had to learn on my own and am still working on learning now..

For starters, I am the only offspring from my parents that earned a Bachelor’s in Psychology.  I’ve gone the furthest because I eventually realized that my mom was WRONG.  In order to get anywhere, I needed to work yes, but I needed an education.  See, what no one realized is, I’m a very smart person.  Sometimes, I make stupid decisions, but who doesn’t?  But if I use my past and combine it with my formal education, shit – I’m Iron Man… without the money.  Mom was partially right.  I am currently looking at $60k in student loans from a school that I attended that lost accreditation, never helped me get a job and gave me a piece of paper that currently means nothing because the credits are not transferable.  Aside from getting my B.A., I did start my Master’s Program but I hated it and dropped it.  But with the amount of debt I still owe the government, yep, she was right in one part of that.


However, if she’d known how to get me help in managing and maybe even avoiding this situation altogether, rather than discouraging me from the start, maybe I’d be in a different place, but whatever.  It is what it is.

My brother, from when I was young (he’s 7 years older than me) til this day has always had a strong social group.  The kind that he has had ups and downs with and still they remain friends, sometimes enter beer tastings together and do other things together.  I never understood how this was.  How was it, I grew up in the same house as him, but had no friends that I could really depend on?  So, I decided, very late in life, that I should have friends.  I don’t know what happened to my mom that made her angry, but it’s not my problem.  I now have a nice little community of friends that I hang out with.  Sometimes, they might judge me, individually, but for the most part, I feel in place.  There are a couple, of course, that I am a little closer with than the others, but nonetheless, we are in fact friends, I think.  🙂

Here’s some of them, not all my friends, but some of them for Game of Thrones night…


My brother, the first and only offspring to get married.  From what I remember, my mom and dad were both so happy about him getting married.  So, why is it a don’t for me?  Well, whatever that was, it’s gone now.  My parents are dead and all they can do now is watch as I flip my own world upside down trying to find the right path and get my head on straight.  Maybe one day?  But then there’s that nagging itch I feel about having to settle down and never really knowing if I’ll be happy.  My mom, she didn’t seem happy to me.  I don’t want to be her.  Sorry!  But that’s not how I envision my own life.  End of life should be with someone I never want to be without, who knows all my dirty little secrets and I know his, and we still can stand each other at the end of the day.  If I’m lucky and he finds me.

But for now, all I have are a bunch of Don’ts stuck in my head from my mom and my craving for french fries with mustard.  The future only knows what’s in store for me.

To my daughter.

You are a princess.  You are smart, you are beautiful and you can make your way in this world with a smile of gold.  Because of you and your brothers, mommy has a stronger grasp on what she wants in life.  Because of you, mommy wants to consider marriage because you deserve a father who loves you more than life.  I’m sorry your father is an asshole, he always has been and that’s why we got along so well.  He doesn’t matter today but I know you yearn for his presence.  But, because of everything you are going through today with both mommy and daddy, you are going to be so strong and fierce.  I am excited to see you grow up.

Here’s my list of Don’ts for you.

1. Don’t forget to smile!

2. Don’t forget to keep your standards high!

3. Don’t forget to enjoy each day, as if it’s the last of the Earth’s gifts to you!

4. Don’t ever let anyone tell you you can’t!

5. Don’t forget to dance like no one’s watching and sing your heart out – Keep singing my little Christina Perri!

6. Don’t forget to be the youiest you you can ever be!

7. And if you ever end up in jail, Don’t forget that mommy will kick your ass!

2014-03-15 10.07.30

Death and a Funeral

Hey everyone! An old friend of mine had a devastating loss last week. Both his brother and his father passed away within days of each other. I know that a funeral and burial for 1 person can cost from $7000 & up, at least that was the price in 2010 when my mom passed. However, someone has made a fundraiser on behalf of his sister and there are doing a raffle if you donate at least $25. If you can donate anything, I ask that you please take a moment to help out, please. Thank you.

Weekly photo challenge – together

I realize, this is probably one if the first posts I’ve done this year.  Life has been moving along so quickly and I’ve been changing, mentally.  Thank goodness since people trust me enough to give me the chance to take a hold of projects and move forward.  Today’s submission has pictures of teamwork!  We do it all,.together!




Thanks for visiting!

Weekly Photo Challenge: Hope

This weekend I helped Renda Writer host the 2nd Annual Art Show in Downtown Los Angeles.  We had an amazing turnout, with friends from all over joining us in this cause.  The only thing that could have made this any better would have been if Ellen DeGeneres herself would have shown.  It’s ok, we understand, you have your own birthday celebrations to attend to.  But this small 3-piece series is my submission for Hope.

Renda Writer 50+ paintings ready to go!

I’m still amazed on how he pulled this all together.  The networking alone had to have been intense.

Christian Calloway holding his birthday homeless sign!

Christian, to me, represents how so many people come to California with the same types of hopes and dreams of success.  Whether it’s in acting, finance or spring-board jumping, we are all a step from being homeless.  Don’t judge a book by its cover.

Renda Writer performing Half-Hearted

The pure joy that comes from this guy as he performs is almost too much for me to handle.  Intense, poetic and passionate.  It is truly a sight to watch a poet perform his magic with words.

I’m so happy to have met Renda and for him allowing me to be a part of this dream/goal/idea or whatever you want to call it!  He’s got a good heart and inspires me to be hopeful of the future.