You know that feeling? That particular feeling when you realize that you have been hit by a tornado of bitterness and lies? When you decide to show yourself to people and then turn around to find out that they have been giving you fake smiles and hugs. The thank yous and invites aren’t real. They are fake too. The whole time, they were waiting for you to turn around so they could talk shit about you.
When you find out that being helpful to a friend who was helping you actually coukd have led to their death by overdose, things, actions and emotions take on new meanings and new forms.
My error was in caring about others when i shoukd have been busy being selfish. I have given my heart freely in trade of false pretenses and fake friendships.
What’s worse?! I could have been the reason she died. I drove her to those houses and believed the lies she told me because they made sense. Why would she want to keep destroying her life?! Why? Even today, when i see her drink, i think, how could she be so unhappy. I was used, in the most dangerous way! She coukd have overdosed while i sat in the living room like an idiot wondering what was taking so long… with money i lent her! She said she would never go back to that life but now i am convinced that she has never left it.
He offered assistance and thanked me for being around. He invited me to things he didn’t want me at just so he could say things about me behind my back. What a fool I am. I even was nice enough to invite him somewhere too, as a return favor for helping. Just to find out that he says things. He even believed i had keys to his house and could come and go as i felt and said it would be ok? Just so he could say things behind my back!
I am a flirt, but just because i do not flirt with you does not mean you can go around trash talking me. I deserve to be treated better than that!
I recenetly made a revelation about myself. I have been, subconsciously surrounding myself with users/abusers. Not anymore. It ends here, now!
No more tornado of bitterness and lies.