It’s challenging. I mean really, it is.
I quit smoking, for the second time in my life, 4 days ago on May 10th, Gino’s Birthday! My stats say that I have saved myself 21 cigarettes, $6.30 and that my CO and O2 levels are back to normal. My app also states that I have regained all my taste and smell and lowered my risk for sudden death. What does this all mean? Nothing, really. Not to me. I quit because I was tired of smoking. I did it because when times got tough, there was no food in the house and no money for food, so I used it as a hunger depressant in which I’ve also used it as a relief from any other addictions. Now, I have a place to live, I have food on the table and I’m fairly ok with making ends meet, so I don’t need it anymore.
Or do I?
On May 9th, I had an interview for a full time job, because this part time job isn’t paying the bills and I’m not getting gigs as often as I’d like, so full time it is. I want my kids back! It was a rough day and the last day I smoked cigarettes. (I don’t think I got this job, btw. Which fits perfectly for my life. 🙂 )
But you know what?
I’m agitated. I feel angry inside. I want to do something, but I don’t know what it is. And I keep craving soda? Ugh!
I need meditation in my life and possibly yoga. I need a good instructor, one that will bring the peace out of me or help me bring it out of myself. The last instructor I tried had a weird vibe and it didn’t work out well.
Who’s up for driving?!