Growing up, my mother gave me Don’ts. Never Do’s. So, some of those don’ts are, as I now know, fucking stupid!
1. Don’t go to college.
2. Don’t have friends.
3. Don’t ever get married.
Who in the hell tells their daughter this bullshit?! I mean, what the fuck kind of messed up thinking gets you to a point where you pass this kind of guidance down to your child? Yes, guidance mom and dad. This is what you were supposed to pass down to me, not just your son, the praised one. And I get it. If my brother ever reads this, he’ll just roll his eyes and be like whatever, because he’s heard it all before. But as I sit back, and think about it. He’s done so much better than I have because of it.
Oh, don’t get me wrong, me and my brother get along fine, always have. But he was definitely the favored. He was encouraged to have friends, they could spend the night and he could go out anywhere. I was encouraged to not have friends but was never guided on how to make my way through life. That’s something I had to learn on my own and am still working on learning now..
For starters, I am the only offspring from my parents that earned a Bachelor’s in Psychology. I’ve gone the furthest because I eventually realized that my mom was WRONG. In order to get anywhere, I needed to work yes, but I needed an education. See, what no one realized is, I’m a very smart person. Sometimes, I make stupid decisions, but who doesn’t? But if I use my past and combine it with my formal education, shit – I’m Iron Man… without the money. Mom was partially right. I am currently looking at $60k in student loans from a school that I attended that lost accreditation, never helped me get a job and gave me a piece of paper that currently means nothing because the credits are not transferable. Aside from getting my B.A., I did start my Master’s Program but I hated it and dropped it. But with the amount of debt I still owe the government, yep, she was right in one part of that.
However, if she’d known how to get me help in managing and maybe even avoiding this situation altogether, rather than discouraging me from the start, maybe I’d be in a different place, but whatever. It is what it is.
My brother, from when I was young (he’s 7 years older than me) til this day has always had a strong social group. The kind that he has had ups and downs with and still they remain friends, sometimes enter beer tastings together and do other things together. I never understood how this was. How was it, I grew up in the same house as him, but had no friends that I could really depend on? So, I decided, very late in life, that I should have friends. I don’t know what happened to my mom that made her angry, but it’s not my problem. I now have a nice little community of friends that I hang out with. Sometimes, they might judge me, individually, but for the most part, I feel in place. There are a couple, of course, that I am a little closer with than the others, but nonetheless, we are in fact friends, I think. 🙂
Here’s some of them, not all my friends, but some of them for Game of Thrones night…
My brother, the first and only offspring to get married. From what I remember, my mom and dad were both so happy about him getting married. So, why is it a don’t for me? Well, whatever that was, it’s gone now. My parents are dead and all they can do now is watch as I flip my own world upside down trying to find the right path and get my head on straight. Maybe one day? But then there’s that nagging itch I feel about having to settle down and never really knowing if I’ll be happy. My mom, she didn’t seem happy to me. I don’t want to be her. Sorry! But that’s not how I envision my own life. End of life should be with someone I never want to be without, who knows all my dirty little secrets and I know his, and we still can stand each other at the end of the day. If I’m lucky and he finds me.
But for now, all I have are a bunch of Don’ts stuck in my head from my mom and my craving for french fries with mustard. The future only knows what’s in store for me.
To my daughter.
You are a princess. You are smart, you are beautiful and you can make your way in this world with a smile of gold. Because of you and your brothers, mommy has a stronger grasp on what she wants in life. Because of you, mommy wants to consider marriage because you deserve a father who loves you more than life. I’m sorry your father is an asshole, he always has been and that’s why we got along so well. He doesn’t matter today but I know you yearn for his presence. But, because of everything you are going through today with both mommy and daddy, you are going to be so strong and fierce. I am excited to see you grow up.
Here’s my list of Don’ts for you.
1. Don’t forget to smile!
2. Don’t forget to keep your standards high!
3. Don’t forget to enjoy each day, as if it’s the last of the Earth’s gifts to you!
4. Don’t ever let anyone tell you you can’t!
5. Don’t forget to dance like no one’s watching and sing your heart out – Keep singing my little Christina Perri!
6. Don’t forget to be the youiest you you can ever be!
7. And if you ever end up in jail, Don’t forget that mommy will kick your ass!