I saw a twitter post the other day about someone who has a friend, that they like more than a friend and wanted to know that age old question….
Do I tell her I like her more than as a friend or not?
Well buddy, here’s the long version answer to that question.
The length of time is an important factor. When you are a child, everyone is your friend. As a teen, only certain people are your REAL friends and the others are just friend friends. As a young adult, your circle of friends may tighten a little to include only those people who have gone through thick and thin with you and some people may come in and out of that friend circle, but you know who you really can count on as a friend. As an adult, you realize that your friends have always been there, have adapted to your current way of life and haven’t really moved on, even though they may have moved away.
With that said, when you call this girl your friend, how well do you know each other as friends? She may be hiding a whole lot of things from you because she may not even see you as the friend you think she is to you. Just because you tell her parts about you and she tells you parts about her, doesn’t make her your friend in the adult manner.
However, if you have been friends for a long time, gone through thick and thin and no each other’s bullshit, then I see that strong foundation of friendship there and then it makes sense why you think she’s your friend.
Sometimes being friends with people requires a lot of work. Just like in a personal relationship, of any kind, you need to be able to see whether or not you can openly communicate with the person and they feel as though they can do the same with you. However, sometimes, even though our friends go through it all with us, they may be just functional friends and not really personal friends.
Functional friends are the ones that you will find will talk to you, be all about you in the moment and then when that moment is over, they will move on and find other friends. Nothing wrong with this type of friend because they can still be friends of the deepest and truest nature, touch base from time to time, but if you can’t tell if they are your true friends here’s a little test. Shut up. No, really, just shut up. See what happens.
When you shut up, a real friend, who isn’t just about what they can get from you, will ask you about you and want to know what is going on in your life. They will be genuinely concerned for you, your family and whatever is going on. A functional friend will ask you about something that will somehow be a gain on their side. So, if they a functional friend, either move her into the personal friend space or leave it alone.
3. All or none
At the end of the day, the real person you want to be with will possess all the qualities you are looking for in your partner minus the qualities that you can live without. However, above all else, they should be someone who you can completely divulge everything to. They know the ins and out of you as a person and they have no criticisms or hang ups on you and vice versa. They are ultimately your best friend.
– 4. Reason
If all else is on point, ask yourself one last thing…. what good or bad will come from professing your love for your friend today?
If there is a hurry, then maybe it isn’t exactly what you think it is. Maybe it’s more like, I like her and really wanna get in her pants and I don’t care if we potentially mess up this friendship we have. OR… I like her, I want her to be the one for me, but I’m going to take my time, make sure we are compatible and then take it from there. Not all friendships can withstand the let’s make this happen but it could withstand the possibility of making this happen in the future after I know you better, and after I know myself better.
I hope you make the right choice friend! Last thing I ever want to see is you getting hurt.
Does anyone else have an opinion on this question?