Buddha, travel and letting go

On November 1st, I stopped at the local donut shop for the last donut run of the year with my babies. As they sat down and eat their donuts, I stirred my coffee at the register Area. In the distance, behind the counter, sat Buddha. I stared at Buddha for a moment while stirring. Pulled out a quarter and asked the man to give it to Buddha for me. He said, good luck.

As I sat at work, I told my boss and coworker but misspoke. I said, I hope Buddha comes through for me today. I didn’t mean the today part. However, my coworker then decides to buy me lunch.  Although I’m behind on bills and my cell is disconnected, all the checks I needed for the trip to drop off my baby came through, no hassle.  Although the trip was an emotional roller coaster, my friend and her husband picked us up, took us in, fed us and treated us to a movie. I had enough money on the train to help out the guy who got on with us and the 3 kids he was watching to buy some coffee or treats.When I got back to LA, I had made new friends. Alone on the train, I was never alone. We chatted, drank and caused trouble on board, I heard a lot of stories of people’s life and where they were going and why. It’s amazing how much some people can endure and what some people will do just to do it.

However, back in LA, some of the girls from the train and myself decided to hang out together as they waited for their bus and I waited for the sun to rise. Amanda (my wonder twin from the train) and myself went walking down the street to the gas station. I asked the homeless man on the street if he was hungry and with a yes, I gave him the bag of snacks I had and proceeded to purchase him an orange juice (didn’t want him getting sick).

Turns out, after I left, Amanda ran out of money. A man turned around and gave her $200 to help her out.

Just goes to show you, put out good stuff in the world and it will benefit others. I’m glad I was able to meet these people. Amanda, Bryant, Matt, the kids and myself were all starting life over again while others were getting away from it all or returning from getting away.

Each story is special and unique and although it was the hardest thing for me to send my son away, I wouldn’t change this for the world. He gets new experiences and so do I.

Death and a Funeral

Hey everyone! An old friend of mine had a devastating loss last week. Both his brother and his father passed away within days of each other. I know that a funeral and burial for 1 person can cost from $7000 & up, at least that was the price in 2010 when my mom passed. However, someone has made a fundraiser on behalf of his sister and there are doing a raffle if you donate at least $25. If you can donate anything, I ask that you please take a moment to help out, please. Thank you.

http://rojasfuneralfundraiser.blogspot.com

Weekly photo challenge – together

I realize, this is probably one if the first posts I’ve done this year.  Life has been moving along so quickly and I’ve been changing, mentally.  Thank goodness since people trust me enough to give me the chance to take a hold of projects and move forward.  Today’s submission has pictures of teamwork!  We do it all,.together!

Thanks for visiting!

Can I, Should I

I just need to get some thoughts out of my head today.

Bear with me.

It’s been 9 months, 4 days (279 days total) since I had my last feeling of being at-home within another being.  A brief, friendly, 4-day encounter that has haunted me daily.  I don’t think the fault lies on the other party, it’s all mine.  It’s stupid.  I torment myself.

Each encounter since (text message/email) has been initiated by myself, but on a friendly bases.  Each encounter ends with him writing something that drives me completely loopy and has my head spinning with thoughts of what could be.  It affects me for days, if not weeks, I don’t dare say months.  It’s a spark of chemistry that is hard for me to fight, no matter what has been established, a platonic relationship only.

He misleads me unintended, I think.  Emails & text messages end with terms of endearment.   I miss him.  What am I missing?  I don’t even know him.  I only know the feeling he has left me with.

I kissed a random at a party the other night and yet, it held no meaning, other than a game of lion and prey.  There was no flicker or spark of anything half as enticing as how happily miserable I feel contemplating if any of this means anything to him.  Purposefully avoiding any contact for months helped to move my mind elsewhere, however, I saw no interest in any other.  All erased with a wish.

Moving on again, my other treats me so right and I want to forever be treated this way, by someone who is more than just my friend and who I can whisper love to and it’s a deeper and more succulent relationship than this newly established friendship.  Thank you other, for showing me this, you are the best lesson I could have ever have had.

Is it a game I am unaware of?  Do I have to spill my guts and explain myself completely, again?  I can’t hold to the standard.  Can I wait longer to find out what it is?  Should I wait longer?  I don’t have the answers.

I starve myself of emotional contact with the opposite sex easily in anticipation of what could be.  The possibility of a future with…

Stupid, stupid, stupid.  I read what I’m writing and my brain is telling me how stupid I am.  We only live life one time and I cannot wait forever.  My torment is my own.  I bear him no ill will.  I’m masochistic to the core of my being and this torment feeds that affliction.

Maybe it’s time to plan out a New Year’s resolution.

It Happened?

We arrived at his house.  We walk in and walk over to the table to sit down.  He takes off the ring that has always been there on his hand, since the day we met, and places it in front of me on the table.  He says, “I’ll be right back” and walks into the other room.  I am not nervous, but I can’t stop staring at the ring, wondering the significance of its presence there on the table.

He walks back in and sits down on the chair next to me, changed slightly.  He begins, “apparently, you were approved the moment you walked in.”  He pauses.  ”My family approves of you.”

I look at him, now I understand.  He looks down at his hand before looking at me and the ring on the table.  He appears to be a little flustered or shy, I can’t tell you what.  He says, “I just don’t know what to do now.”

“I know what,” I say. After I pick up the ring, I place it on my finger and smile.  He watches, smiling and slightly amazed at this feat.  ”So, you’ll be my girlfriend?”

I reach over for his hand and pull him towards me.  As he rolls to me, I tell him, “Kiss me.”  He smiles and does.  We both look down and stare at our hands that are intertwined within each other.

I’m his, he’s mine.

Then, I woke up.  He is initiating dreams for me.  Along with feelings I haven’t had for some time.  However, I’m not sure where this is going, outside of my head.